


Holding On

by stardustkr7



Category: Batgirl (Comics), Batman (Comics)
Genre: F/M, like major spoilers, spoilers for Detective Comics 940
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-29
Updated: 2016-09-29
Packaged: 2018-08-18 11:59:42
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,121
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8161372
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stardustkr7/pseuds/stardustkr7
Summary: Barbara catches up with Jason to try to help him, but the night shows her just how much she needed him too.





	

Barbara ducked into the dingy old tavern, instantly spotting who she was looking for towards the end of the bar. Jason was sitting by himself, hunched over, a half full bottle of some amber spirit in front of him as he clutched a near empty glass.

She wound her way towards him, ignoring everyone else in the room, and slid onto a barstool next to him.

“Jason …” she said, though not exactly sure what she wanted to say.

He glanced over at her, his reddened eyes making her heart sink and her throat catch.

“Barbie? How’d you find me?” he asked in a low voice.

“Tracked your phone,” she explained.

He gave a sort of nod and then leaned over the bar to swipe another glass for her.

“This is the same bar you found me in when … when Dick …” Barbara said, trailing off. She couldn’t bring herself to vocalize the word. Dick might be back with them but the loss of Tim was still too raw.

“So it is,” Jason said, pouring her a generous amount of alcohol and then topping off his own glass.

He paused then added, “You don’t think maybe Bruce …”

She knew exactly what he was asking. It was one of the first things she wondered too.

“No. It’s real. Tim’s parents are still alive. He wouldn’t put them through that just to send Tim undercover,” said Barbara, shaking her head. “He wouldn’t put us through that again.”

“He would and he will,” said Jason. “Maybe not this time, but next time.”

Barbara didn’t argue. She knew he was right. Bruce would never learn.

“Why are you here, Babs? Shouldn’t you be checking on Grayson?” he asked. She heard the note of defensiveness in his voice but elected to ignore it for now.

“Dick has people to check on him. I just wanted to be here for you, like you were for me,” she said simply, putting a hand on his arm. It was true, there was certainly an element of reciprocity where she knew she ought to take care of him. But also, especially these days, they were closer than they ever had been before.

He looked at her hand and she almost considered moving it back. And then he covered it with his.

“What about you? Are you alright, Babs?”

“I … I don’t know,” she said truthfully. She had long ago cried herself out of tears and now there was just an emptiness. Why did this keep happening to them? “I just … I have nightmares about all of you dying and then I wake up and it’s true. I’m so tired.”

“Yeah, me too,” he muttered, letting go of her hand and reaching for his glass again.

They fell silent, her wondering just how much of that bottle of whiskey he had already finished before she got there and if she ought to get him home soon. But then he broke the silence first.

“I know everyone thought that we didn’t … that I hated him but I …” Jason said, struggling to complete the thought.

“I know, Jay. And he knew,” she said, reading what he was trying to say. “You were brothers, you all pick at each other, but that doesn’t mean you don’t care. He knew you’d be there if he asked.”

“I wasn’t this time. Wasn’t there for Dick or Damian or even you,” he said, shaking his head.

“Jason, listen, you don’t need to do this. Tim knew what he was doing,” said Barbara firmly.

“Yeah, he was being an idiot hero,” said Jason darkly. “He was just a kid.”

She sighed. There probably were a thousand other ways it could have gone down. Hell, she herself could have actually been too there instead of running around abroad, trying to figure herself out again. But it happened and they once again had to deal with the fact that they were all hopelessly and helplessly human.

“I think you’ve had enough tonight,” she said, moving the bottle back. “Come on, let’s get you home.” She stood up and tugged on his arm.

“I’m not done, Barbie,” he protested, holding up his mostly full glass.

“You are now.”

Barbara snatched it out of his hand, braced herself, and then downed the whole thing. She quickly finished off her glass too before her senses could catch up.

She shuddered a little as the alcohol burned down her throat. Jason stared at her, open mouthed.

“Barbie…”

“And now I’m caught up to you. Come on, have you paid? Let’s go.”

A few minutes later, they stumbled out of the bar, Jason’s arm slung over her shoulders as he leaned on her for support. She was having a hard time telling exactly how drunk he was given he seemed to be decent at forming words but had nearly fallen out of his chair when he tried to stand up back at the bar.

“My bike is over here,” Jason mumbled, trying to steer her one direction.

“Oh no,” Barbara said firmly, putting her weight into stopping him. “We’re walking this one off. You can get it tomorrow.” Even if she drove, she didn’t exactly trust his ability to hang on well.

“Barbieeeee,” he whined, but allowed himself to be led down the sidewalk. “What if it gets stolen?”

“Are you telling me you don’t have anti-theft measures built in?” she asked.

“Oh, yeah, actually I got a lot of those.”

As they walked, Jason launched into a long-winded, drunken explanation of various tricks and traps built in to his motorcycle to keep it from being stolen. She was somewhat glad that he had latched onto the subject. Animated, drunken Jason was much preferable to red eyed, depressed Jason.

“Well this is great. Now I know exactly how to steal the Red Hood’s motorcycle,” Barbara teased, giving him a small smile.

“Barbie, you ever wanna take a ride on my bike, you definitely don’t have to steal it,” he said with a smirk.

She rolled her eyes but was still smiling. “Okay, I walked right into that one.”

“Hey, how do you even know where I live?” he asked after a few blocks.

“Do you really want me to answer that?” she countered.

Jason looked down at her skeptically, but didn’t ask her to elaborate.

(She actually had gotten the information from Bruce, but she liked to keep a little mystery.)

At his apartment building, it took about four tries for him to punch in the code, but he was no longer leaning on her so much and was stumbling a lot less.

A few minutes later, they were inside his apartment and Jason let go of her to take off his jacket.

“Look, Babs, I appreciate you walking me home, but I’m fine. I’m just gonna pass out now. You don’t have to stay,” he said, dropping the jacket on the floor and taking a few steps away from her.

The warmth in her stomach from both the alcohol and his arm around her was starting to dissipate.

“I just thought … maybe neither of us should really be alone right now,” said Barbara, feeling disappointed.

He stopped and turned back towards her.

“Oh, uh, yeah, okay. We can hang out for a bit I guess,” said Jason. He looked at her, holding her gaze for a few moments, making her stomach flip.  

The spell was broken when he looked away and announced, “Uh, I have to use the bathroom.”

“Uh, you’re on your own for that,” she said, putting her hands up. “I’ll make us some coffee.”

As he disappeared down the hallway, she wondered not for the first time what exactly she was doing here. Maybe she ought to just leave and let him sleep.

But she didn’t want to be alone either tonight. (She especially didn’t want to be away from him.)

It didn’t take long to locate supplies to make coffee in the surprisingly neat kitchen. Not that she really expected him to be a huge slob, but the usual default for 20 something guys wasn’t always clean, in her experience.

As the coffee brewed, she dug around the fridge, finding a container of half and half and a couple bottles of sports drink.

“Honestly, he ought to thank me for the hangover he’s not going to have tomorrow,” Barbara muttered to herself as she put the sports drink plus a small container of ibuprofen on the coffee table in front of the couch.

“Uh, thank you?”

She jumped and turned to see Jason standing in the entrance to the hallway, raising an eyebrow at her.

“Don’t sneak up on me,” she said, frowning. “And your pants are still open,” she added, pointing.

Jason shrugged. “Sorry,” he said, not making a move to fix the problem and instead plopping on the couch, his arm resting on the back.

“I’m guessing you’re still drunk,” she said, moving back to the kitchen to pour two cups of coffee.

“Only kinda.”

“Do you want cream?”

“Yup.”

She fixed the two cups and carried them over, sitting next to him on the couch, although leaving some space between them. She slid off her shoes and curled up her legs.

For a long time, they sat in silence, drinking coffee. Her mind was clearing up a little and once again she doubted her idea to stay.

Finally Jason set down his empty mug, snatching up the sports drink bottle next.

“So what are you thinking about, Babs?” he asked.

She took a breath before answering. “The last time I saw Tim,” she said. “At that game night we had a few weeks ago. It was right before I left the country.”

He nodded. “Yeah, that was the last time I saw him too,” he said.

“I remember telling him to be good to Stephanie or else,” she said, smiling a little.

“He told me I should ask you out.”

Barbara looked up quickly, watching him take a drink like he hadn’t just admitted that.

“Oh. Uh, he told me the same thing,” she confessed. She wasn’t completely surprised to learn Tim had been working both of them. Even after she had told him that she was just getting out of a relationship at the time.

Jason looked over at her now, eyebrow raised.

“That nosy little punk,” he commented.

She let out a laugh, clapping a hand over her mouth.

“He really was, wasn’t he,” she agreed. She set her now empty mug down too and shook her head. “I should have been closer to him, should have spent more time with him.”

“Hey, you guys had those races for the spare computer parts every few months or so,” Jason pointed out.

“Yeah, I guess we did.”

“Remember how he would always accuse you of cheating?” Jason asked, smiling a little now.

“That’s because I always did,” she admitted, smiling as well.

“Barbara Gordon a cheater. And here I thought you were the most honest of us all,” he said, smirking proudly.

“Hey, Tim could have bought all that stuff. I needed the advantage,” she insisted.

 “And to think I defended you,” he said, shaking his head with mock disappointment.

“You still would have,” she countered.

“Yeah, I would,” Jason agreed.

Somehow during the course of their conversation, they had both leaned in closer to each other and now she found herself studying his eyes. They didn’t look as red as before, but there was still a general heaviness to his demeanor. She felt the same way. They were laughing and reminiscing but there was still that bitterness underneath.

“Babs?”

“Are you still drunk?” she asked softly.

“Not really.”

Maybe this really was more about her needing something than it was about not letting him be alone. And, really, if she were honest, a part of her knew he would give her whatever she needed.

Barbara moved closer on the couch, her leg touching his now.

“Is this okay?” she asked.

“Yeah,” he said, staring at her lips.

She wasn’t going to pretend there had never been an attraction between them, especially recently. He was good-looking; really, really good-looking. He had matured so much since that sixteen year old kid she once knew. Of course, she had done some maturing of her own, enough to change her mind.

She closed the space between them, her eyes fluttering closed and their lips meeting at last.

Jason kissed her back slowly, his hand resting on her shoulder and pulling her in. Her hand slid up his chest and around the back of his neck.

The longer they kissed, the more she was certain that this was what she really needed right now, something pleasantly physical, someone to cling to. And he seemed to need it too.

He was the first to pull back, resting his forehead against hers.

“Jason,” she whispered, “was that okay?”

He kissed her firmly in response.

“This is probably bad timing,” he said.

“Yeah. Probably all kinds of inappropriate right now,” Barbara agreed. They were supposed to be mourning, comforting each other. She had set out tonight with the expectation of closeness and vulnerability, not necessarily this.

Jason frowned a little. “I thought you were with someone.”

“I ended it before I traveled,” she said with a small shake of her head.

“So, what, is this a rebound thing?” he asked, nose brushing hers.

“No, did that while I traveled.” He looked somewhat surprised at that so she added, “I just need to feel …”

“… good? Me too,” he finished for her.

It was too late now. She had opened that door and neither were eager to close it yet.

Her eyes met his and an understanding passed between them. This was something that needed to happen and they were the only two who really could provide it for each other.

“So, just this once then?” he asked. “Because we need the distraction?”

“Because we’re taking care of each other,” she said.

And then they both moved in, lips crashing together in a much more hurried, passionate kiss than before.

She was pulled into his lap, his hands all over her body, sliding around her thigh and up the back of her shirt. His hand on her skin sent tingles through her, making her press closer to him.

Barbara pulled back just long enough to pull her shirt over her head and toss it aside. She watched his eyes darken as they drank in her bare skin. Then he leaned in, his mouth pressing to the skin just under her collar bone, kissing along it and pulling down her bra strap before it could get in the way.

“Jay,” she gasped, her eyes closing again.

“Say that again,” he said, finding some little sensitive spot that was making her moan.

“Oohh, Jay.”

He moved back up to her mouth again, kissing her hard.

“Babs … I need you …”

Because that’s what this was, just some release they both needed.

“Hold on to me,” he growled in warning.

Somehow he was on his feet, her legs wrapping around his waist as he carried her towards his bedroom. They made a stop at the wall near the doorway first, him pressing her against it as he held her up. There was something so thrilling about his body against hers like that, his obvious arousal, his searing kisses on her neck.

“Oh god, Jason,” she moaned.

They somehow finished the journey and ended up in his room, on his bed, her practically tearing his shirt off. He threw it behind him and leaned in over her again as her hands slid over his skin, her fingers gripping his back.

He was kissing her all over, her neck, her jaw, her chest, hot and open mouthed. It felt incredible, shooting heat right down to her core. His hands went around her back, undoing the clasp of her bra and taking it off her.

“I want to taste you, Babs,” he said in her ear.

“Oh god, yes.”

He kissed down her stomach, reaching for the button of her jeans and undoing them.

‘ _Oh god, we’re doing this. We’re really doing this_ ,’ Barbara thought to herself, lifting her hips so he could slide off her pants and underwear.

She was pretty much naked before him now and it was extremely apparent just how turned on she was already. The cool air made her shiver a little.

“Okay, Babs?” Jason asked, surprising her a little with the gentleness as he kissed just above her knee.

She leaned up on her elbow to look at him, kneeling on the floor near the edge of the bed. ‘ _We’re so doing this_.’

“Yeah,” she said, nodding a little. “Okay.”

“I’m gonna make you feel so good,” he said, looping his arms around under her thighs and pulling her a little closer to the side of the bed.

“Less talk,” she requested, laying back again.

He gave a short laugh and then dove in, starting with a few firm, slow licks that made her gasp. And then he sped up.

“Jayyyy,” she moaned again, one hand running through his hair and the other clutching at the bedsheet.

His tongue looped up and around her clit, barely touching it yet, enough to drive her crazy with needing more. She was squirming under his grip, aching to press herself closer. He circled and circled.

“Please, Jason!”

His finger slid inside her, curling and rubbing perfectly in time to the sort of flicking motion of his tongue. Her insides were coiling up tighter and tighter until …

She saw stars.

“Oh, YESSSS!”

It was less a surprise how quickly she had come, but more how he had managed to draw out such a long orgasm from her. Wave after wave of pleasure washed over her, making her back arch and her hands grasp at whatever they could.

“Ohmygodohmygod,” she found herself gasping, catching her breath as he finally let up.

She opened her eyes, watching him crawl over her, wiping his mouth on the back of his hand.

“Yeah, I’m pretty good at that,” he said with a smirk, leaning down to kiss her lips.

It was such a Jason thing to say, but god if she had known, she might have found a sooner excuse to get his face between her legs.

“Fuck,” she said.

“Heh, its hot when you swear, Barbie,” said Jason.

“Oh fuck you,” she said, with a short laugh.

He kissed her lips again, his mouth trailing down her jawline to suck on her earlobe.

“Not done yet, right?” he asked.

She slid one hand down his back, into the waistband of his boxers to grab his ass. “Mmm, definitely not done. Please tell me you have a condom.”

“Oh yeah.”

He moved off her to rummage in the drawer by the bed and then finish taking off his pants.

She pulled herself up towards the head of the bed, watching him stroke himself, and thinking to herself, ‘ _oh god he looks so good_.’ Deciding she needed to be in on this, she needed to touch him more, she got on her knees in front of him. She was about level with his chest, perfect to admire his chiseled abs, that narrow v shape of his hips.

Looking up at him, she placed a hand around his cock and leaned forward to lightly kiss his abdomen.

“Barbara,” he groaned and oh how she really liked that reaction. She let the tip of her tongue touch his skin and trace along his abs, her hand stroking his cock until he made that little groaning noise again.

“Gimme,” she said, putting her other hand out. He set the little square packet in her hand. She tore it open and put the condom on him, watching him exhale heavily. Then she moved back enough so he could get on the bed too.

Jason kneeled in front of her, putting his hands on her cheeks and leaning in to kiss her. For several moments she just enjoyed it, his lips so sweet on hers.

But this wasn’t supposed to be about sweetness. She pushed him away by the shoulders.

“Lie back,” Barbara instructed.

He nodded, following her lead and lying back on the pillows. She climbed over on top of him, straddling his hips with her knee and guiding him to her entrance.

“Take your time, babe,” he whispered, hands on her thighs, giving them a small squeeze.

One hand on his stomach for balance, she slowly slid onto him, pausing when he was all the way in. It felt so good, so filling. She just needed a minute to savor the feeling.

And for some reason her brain was flashing back to that stupid riding his bike comment from earlier and when she looked up at him again, she half expected to see a smug follow up.

Instead, she was startled to see the way he was staring up at her, like he had never seen anything like her before.

“Barbara,” he gasped, sounding almost reverent.

She was drawn in, leaning forward to meet his lips again.

“Alright, Jay?” she asked.

He nodded, his hands now on her hips. “You?”

“Very.”

Barbara sat up straight again, her hands on his stomach for balance (okay and for groping) and started rocking her hips.

 

* * *

 

A long while and a few position changes later, she was coming down from a third orgasm, this time Jason finishing with her. He had been holding her from behind and breathing into her shoulder, her leg slung back over his hip. The way he had been able to thrust at just the right angle and use his fingers had been just enough to push her over the edge again.

For several minutes, they remained entwined, letting those last tingles of pleasure fade.

“Wow, Babs,” he said, kissing her shoulder.

“Yeah,” she agreed, breathlessly.

He finally let go of her, moving over to the edge of the bed and sitting up. As he left to go throw away the condom, Barbara felt a shiver that she suspected only had partially to do with the sudden chill of being left alone in the bed. She sat up and busied herself with pulling the sheet up around her body.

_‘I just had sex with Jason Todd. No, I just had phenomenally good sex with Jason Todd. That just happened…’_

“You okay, Babs?”

Jason had reentered the room, his boxers back on, looking a little unsure about something.

“Yeah, just chilly,” she said with a small smile.

He went over to the closet and grabbed a flannel, button down shirt and gave it to her, climbing back onto the bed.

“Thank you,” said Babs, slipping on the large shirt.

They were still just sitting next to each other, her wondering what was next. Should she offer to leave now? Did she even want to leave?

His arm snaked around her shoulders and he kissed her temple. It was sweet, almost too sweet for after sex that was supposed to be just for distraction and comfort.

 _‘I need to leave,’_ Barbara thought suddenly.

“Um, its late, I should probably l-“

“Don’t leave,” he interrupted. “Please, Babs, let me hold you for a bit.” He kissed her cheek.

_‘Its just a rush of hormones that are released after sex that are making you feel so much right now, Gordon. Get a grip.’_

Barbara nodded. “Okay, I’ll stay for a bit longer.”

She let him pull her back down onto his chest.

 

* * *

 

Jason awoke the next morning with a smile on his face. Before evening opening his eyes, he found himself reaching over towards the spot next to him in the bed.

His eyes snapped open.

The other side of the bed was empty. And cold.

“Babs…”

Had he dreamed the whole damn thing? It had been so real, so beautifully perfect and real.

He sat up and spotted the flannel shirt he had given her to wear neatly folded at the foot of the bed.

“Barbara?” he said, scrambling out of bed and dashing into the front room. “Are you still … here ...”

The apartment was empty, the two coffee mugs in the sink the only visible evidence that last night had even happened.

A piece of paper sitting on the counter grabbed his attention and he snatched it up.

‘ _Sorry, couldn’t stay, had errands this morning <3 Babs_’

“Hmff. Errands. Thought you’d be better at excuses, Barbie,” Jason said.

His hands shook; the wild idea ran through his brain to crinkle up the note but he stopped himself, looking at the little heart next to her name instead.

“You knew exactly what she wanted last night, don’t be an idiot,” he told himself.


End file.
